I frequently find myself thinking about how I behave in public. I like to ponder over my reactions and why is it so damn difficult for me to not make faces and laugh at my own horrible puns.
Sometimes I find myself trying to fit into this grown-up world and attempt contact with human females like myself. I butt into a typical female conversation and then stand there. Smiling. Wondering whether I can make an input. After a while of standing and grinning awkwardly, agreeing and nodding I retreat back to my all-male company and wonder WHY.
Why?
Because, I always wanted to get in touch with that girlie girl that once lived in my head but eventually migrated to my kidneys or something, and I went on building tree houses, reading goosebumps and getting into fights with bullies, then fishing, video games and target practice took over the schedule and I haven't spoken to her since. I'm sure she used to wonder how I'm doing, but it's been so long... It would be silent and awkward.
So, on a rare and exotic occasion I find myself exclusively in a group of girls and they start trying to include me into their conversation.
Next thing I know the alpha female of this pack is talking to me and then she starts sharing her ideas of a dress. Grandma can buy a dress for Christmas. A knitted dress, but like, with a zip on the back? And pockets? Yeah. Tight, knitted dress with pockets.
At which point my mind caves in and I just nod away.
Weeks later, I can sit reading historical war fiction, and sometimes I ponder over what the hell are these female interactions really about... Surely not dresses? It's got to be code.
